The penguin that roasts you for every coffee

1

Tell Instinct to roast you

Chat with Instinct on iMessage if you have an iPhone, WhatsApp if Android. Send this:

Send to Instinct

Roast me every time I spend money on coffee.

Setup: tell me exactly which accounts to connect so you can see my bank SMS, UPI alerts and email receipts, and walk me through connecting them.

Coffee = any payment to a cafe or coffee brand (e.g. Starbucks, Third Wave, Blue Tokai) or a food-app order that is mostly coffee.

Within a minute of each coffee spend, send ONE message in exactly this format:
PENGUIN: <roast>

Roast rules: max 20 words; mention amount, place and my coffee total this month; savage about spending, never about looks or family.
Only coffee roasts start with PENGUIN:

Send a test roast now.

2

Put the penguin on your phone

iPhone

Install Scriptable. Save the penguin as penguin.png in Files › iCloud Drive › Scriptable.
Paste this into ChatGPT or Claude:

Send to ChatGPT or Claude

Write a Scriptable (iOS) script called Penguin with two modes:
1. Run from a Shortcut with text input (args.shortcutParameter): save the text to roast.txt in Scriptable's iCloud folder, then finish.
2. Run as a home screen widget: show penguin.png from the same folder on the left and the latest roast from roast.txt on the right. Bold white text, dark background, works in small and medium sizes. If there is no roast yet, show "No coffee yet. Suspicious."
Download files from iCloud before reading them. Give me only the final code.

Scriptable › + › paste the code › name it Penguin.
Home screen › add a Scriptable widget › tap it › Script: Penguin.
Shortcuts › Automation › New Automation › Message. Sender: Instinct. Message contains: PENGUIN:. Pick Run Immediately.
New Blank Automation › add Scriptable Run Script › Penguin, parameter: Shortcut Input.
Add Show Notification › Shortcut Input. This pings you instantly. The widget can take a few minutes to catch up.

Android

Install Automate (LlamaLab) and KWGT. Save the penguin as penguin.png.
Paste this into ChatGPT or Claude, then follow its steps:

Send to ChatGPT or Claude

I'm not technical. Give me exact tap-by-tap steps on Android using only the free apps Automate (LlamaLab) and KWGT:
1. Automate flow: when a WhatsApp notification from "Instinct" contains "PENGUIN:", send the notification text to KWGT with a broadcast.
2. KWGT widget: show penguin.png on the left and the latest roast text on the right, read from that broadcast.
Give the exact block names, broadcast action and extras, and the KWGT formula. Keep the flow under 30 blocks.

Settings › Apps › Automate › Battery › Unrestricted, so it keeps running.

3

Test it

Text Instinct "send me a test roast". If the penguin talks back, you're done. Stuck? Paste this into the same AI chat:

Send to ChatGPT or Claude

My penguin isn't updating. Here's what I see: [describe it or attach a screenshot]. Tell me the single most likely fix first.

A penguin that roasts you
every time you buy coffee.

One coffee, start to roast

Set it up

Tell Instinct to roast you

Put the penguin on your phone

Test it

Claim an invite

Grab one